this time last year.

This time last year I was frantically trying to find a summer job/teaching job in Northwest Arkansas. I thought I might be moving to Fayetteville for the summer. I had semi-moved home, knowing that it was only a temporary thing. This time last year I was refusing to apply to teach at any schools in Pine Bluff. I wanted to teach in Northwest Arkansas, live close to all my friends, and work at Gap part-time during the summer so I could get a discount (yes, this was a legitimate part of my life dream). 

Today, I taught a room full of juvenile delinquents about whales. They freaked out when they found out that a blue whale's mouth is as big across as our ceilings are high. "Daaaaaaaang, that's a big ass whale." I watched 2 girls get into a fight and I breathed in some pepper spray. The kids found out my middle name and now think it's real funny to call me "Miss Elizabeth". I had a 14 year old kid call me Mama and come and lean his head on my shoulder. I fed my class fish and laughed with my kids. 

A year ago, in my wildest dreams I could not have imagined that this would be my life. And today I would have it absolutely no other way. 

Today I am thankful...

For students that miss me when I'm gone for a few days

For excellent movies

For letters [and misspelled names]

For rest

For vacations with my favorite girls

That I get to go to cool conferences like this one because of my job

And that because of Jesus' death, the grave has lost all its power. 

on [un]gratefulness and lions.

So yesterday was thanksgiving, the holiday of gratefulness.


And, if I'm being honest, this season of my life (post-college, living with my parents, teaching at the detention center, etc.) has not been marked with gratefulness.

Or even lightly dusted with it.

I have complained, sometimes out loud, to people, but far more often in my heart, to the Lord. Along with this posture of ungratefulness came a host of other unpleasant things, like restlessness, selfishness, and distrust in the Lord.

I've been wallowing in these things for a few months now, and every now and then I'd see the light, the millions of things I had to be grateful for, and get my act together. But I would always return to those attitudes, because, as awful as they are, they're easier. And in some strange way it feels good to feel sorry for yourself.

then 2 or 3 nights ago, I read this verse:

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. (Psalm 116:7)

And the Lord's voice practically shouting at me, I have been here, pouring out my goodness on you, and you're shutting your eyes to it.

And it's funny, because when the Lord speaks, and I'm actually listening, I never feel hurt or embarrassed,  or offended, or even ashamed, but His voice is completely disarming. And humbling. I forget all the complaints and excuses I had, and it makes me want to give up. In the very best way.

In the Chronicles of Narnia, there are two quotes about this. I love how C.S. Lewis describes the effects of an encounter with God, or in this case, a lion:

But he was in no danger of feeling conceited for he didn't think about it at all now that he was face to face with Aslan. This time he found he could look straight into the Lion's eyes. He had forgotten his troubles and felt absolutely content. - The Magicians Nephew

"You have a traitor here Aslan," said the Witch. Of course everyone present that she meant Edmund. But Edmund had got past thinking about himself after all he'd had that morning. He just went on looking at Aslan. It didn't seem to matter what the Witch said. -The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe


So all of that said, here is my gratefulness list this thanksgiving:

1. I am so incredibly thankful for the disarming voice of God, and that He chooses to speak to me.
2. I am thankful for a job that I am in love with, and students who make my day every time I go into work.
3. I am thankful for a family who loves me much more than I deserve, and think much more highly of me than they ought to.
4. I am thankful for friends who are more like sisters, and a sister who my best friend.
5. I am thankful for the power of music. There have been so many times when I have felt less alone just because of a song lyric written by someone whom I have never met.

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. Amen.

today I am thankful...

1. For Ben Rector's new album, Something Like This. I can't stop listening to it. I will seriously try to listen to other songs and then just give up because I'll just be thinking about how I'd rather be listening to that album. Also, I get to see him IN CONCERT with Needtobreathe this Friday night. I am so so pumped.

2. For October. I think September is something that I have to drag my feet through before I can really start liking Autumn. Also, October is my birthday month, so I'm kind of partial. And this amazing weather is making it extra easy to love this month already.

3. For awesome grandparents. This weekend my entire family was gone, so I stayed with my grandparents because I hate staying at my house by myself (yes, I'm still scared to sleep in my house alone). I hadn't stayed with them in forever, like maybe since middle school. I forgot how much I love having people taking care of me. I got to watch a chick-flick with my Nanny and football on Sunday afternoon with my grandpa, and sit around and drink coffee with them and  talk. It was wonderful.

4. For the coolest little brother ever. I got to have a date with my brother Matthew on Friday night, which is unusual. It's almost never just the two of us. He's 19 and turning into such a man, and has a huge heart for the Lord. I'm so proud of him.

5. For God slapping me in the face. Even though that's not exactly an accurate description, because God has been much kinder and gentler than that with me, even though I don't deserve it. I've had a terrible attitude about a whole lot of things lately. I find myself getting angry about stupid things, and having a general disposition of ungratefulness. I'm driving the other day and God is saying, It's not about you, Sara. And I'm here thinking, I know that the world doesn't revolve around me, God... 
But you think that your life revolves around you.
Ouch. He's right. I have been treating my life like it's mine to plan and arrange and have it the way that I want it to be. I've been getting angry because I felt like my rights to my life were being violated when things didn't work out how I wanted. You gave all those to me, remember, Sara? Yes... and "Oh, for grace to trust Him more."

6. For this verse: "Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry hosts one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power not one of them is missing." Thank you Jesus for stars.

today I am thankful...

1. For good books

2. For friends that don't require conversation, but just their being next to you makes life better

3. For a having a sister that I can have a whole conversation with via eye contact.

4. For kids that make me laugh

5. For a 17-year-old boy that is brave enough to take swimming lessons, and even swim in the deep end for the first time ever

6. For mangoes

7. For parents who not only love each other, but who are also really like each other

8. For breezy summer evenings with perfect sunsets :)

"Summer is the time when one sheds one's tensions with one's clothes, and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit. A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all's right with the world."

-Ada Louise Huxtable-

today I am thankful.

...that I had time to finish my whole cup off coffee (not in a to-go mug) before I had to leave for school.

...that the sun was shining and I got to be outside in it.

...for an "I'll come by for just a few minutes" that turns into an hour.

...for dandelions (they are my favorite thing about spring).

...for 5th graders that miss me when I'm gone for only one day.